poems

I sent Shani an email titled 'waving?' and she replied saying ::drowns:: and I discovered that she had never come across the poem 'Not Waving But Drowning' by Stevie Smith, "much too far out all my life, and not waving but drowning". You can look it up if you want but be warned, it's dark.

Finding the poem for her meant I got caught up in cerfing for the poems I love, maybe I should mention that I do seem to like dark poetry, Plath, and Larkin http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/philip_larkin/poems. Toads, Wants, and the last lines of High Windows especially.

"And beyond it, the deep blue air, that shows
Nothing, and is nowhere, and is endless.

but my FAVOURITE poem is Siegfreid Sassoon

Everyone Sang

Everyone suddenly burst out singing;
And I was filled with such delight
As prisoned birds must find in freedom,
Winging wildly across the white
Orchards and dark-green fields; on - on - and out of sight.

Everyone's voice was suddenly lifted;
And beauty came like the setting sun:
My heart was shaken with tears; and horror
Drifted away ... O, but Everyone
Was a bird; and the song was wordless; the singing will never be done.

Time to get going for my afternoon eventing at the STudio now. Wish I didn't have the lurgy!

Fireworks

Being up this early is a pure nonsense: I woke up at 5am with my head full of work rubbish and an unpleasant feeling of "where's mine?" but that, thankfully, seems to have worn off as I've woken up properly. Still on my son's PC which has a too-loud fan and just KNOW that I have to get my own machine and the wireless thingie sorted out.

Planning to have the short people again today, it was such a lovely day yesterday with both of them pottering about, being angelic and playing nicely, they really are such 'good' children; fair share of tantrums and episodes but even so. Alex came with me to Tesco, in the red devil, which was fun, he kept telling me to go faster. I've checked out the nagging concern and yes, it IS illegal now to have a child in a car without a booster seat: me bad (but I've got the seat to use today if I need to). I gave him a couple of quid to put in the box for poppies, and the old boy with the tray was very sweet to him, and called me back to thank me for telling Alex he was helping to look after lots of brave men who fought in a big war so mummy and daddy could look after HIM. I felt such a fraud, but pleased at the same time.

It was odd to see Paul's father at the house in the morning when I went to fetch them, affable and still ~connected~ somehow: it was all such a long time ago and I know I made the right decision but it still feels odd sometimes. Anyway, he's still capable of charm and I'm glad he's spending time with Paul and the children sometimes.

Alex wasn't at school becasue he has a dodgy tummy, blamed on recent injections, and was certainly quieter than usual, but a whole day with them was pretty blissful, followed by a long, slow walk back in the dark as my mother struggles to walk any distance and I don't have the big car any more to have been able to get us all in there. It only occurs to me now that I should have got a taxi (booster seats etc aren't obligatory in taxis? - how does that work then?)

Paul had arranged to come home from work for an hour with fireworks for the children and you never saw anything as excited as Alex when his Dad came in with a huge box of fireworks and rockets; almost all of the photographs have him with his hands over his ears, looking very worried and he decided it was better to sit indoors with his great-grannie and watch through the window even if his mother and father did declare him a wuss.

Some times are very special. I'll upload the photographs when I find the card-reader gizmo.

Putney tonight, I think I should be able to get my act together after the early dinner we have planned at Dee's. I'll see how trashed I feel; I swear small people get their energy by draining it off the nearest adult. Cancelling everything last weekend due to rotten sore stomach and letting go the work beast was necessary but I stil regret not having done anything plus the dance class on Saturday has gone west (hope your leg gets better soon, P) and mother advised me last night that she's not going home till Monday. Just in time for me to set off back to Brum for another two weeks of mayhem.

then, then, blisssssssss! I get another week off and am looking at using Hyatt points to get free accomodation in Cancun and maybe hook up with Araceli if I can find her. Suddenly life looks brighter, Vikki got back in touch (thank you facebook)bought a pub and developed a grandchild so I am looking forward to visiting and catching up with her and my nearly-nephew: he has managed to grow up alongside all the Harry Potter films I took him to see and they've run out at the right time.

Time to get dressed and DO things

Hols

I'm officially on HOLIDAY for a week - HURRAH!

I moved some furniture around last weekend and discovered the PC monitor doesn't work any more BAH! so I'm on the work laptop with the mobile broadband cos I jus' can't be Rsed to get technical about fixing it. Think I may just go and buy another one, conspicuous consumption rules : problem is I'll probably find it's the hard drive that's gone and that will make me very miserable.

I meant to go to the London munch last night, and AntiChrist cos I have a real yearning to dance, but I knew by mid-afternoon it just wasn't going to happen. My £5,000 worth of photocopying didn’t happen either (expenses) because the website you’re meant to enter and submit it on closed before I got clear of the toad, work, so I decided it can wait till I get back and I’ll do it in their time rather than mine.

Since my boss really DOES look like Andrew Marr (too tall and stands too close; MUCH bushier eyebrows that he lowers from, and an even more mobile mouth) I might refer to him as Andrew from now on : From Wikipedia, - Marr also recounts an incident where he was approached by a man in a shop who said, "Here, you look just like that Andrew Marr... you poor bugger." He’s OK really, just a pain as a manager because of his meddle management and constant undermining of his own direct reports by going to individuals for up-to-the-nanosecond information to feed his insatiable appetite for detail.

Also, there is a Pratchett quote that fits him perfectly, “he wasn’t a man to avoid interrupting the answer to a question with a question about the answer he just interrupted”.

He called a meeting yesterday afternoon to tell people the schedule for new builds over the next two weeks and was obviously distressed that he didn’t get a hot welcome. He asked me later what happened, why the meeting “didn’t work”, and I told him gently that all he had done was provide information to formalise what people already knew had to happen. No-one gets excited about that; he’d have done better to have sent an email. Poor soul, he so wants to be loved and feted, and will never understand why it doesn’t work for him.

I did manage to escape the office before too many silly-o'clocks this week; Thursday was *cough* fun. bossman and I declared war on each other by high level distribution list email, and I was walked into an office (AGAIN!) for a "quiet word" (AGAIN!) which involved a lot of heated exchange (AGAIN!). This time resolved by my making it crystal that if he wants to pull rank, he has the right to do that. He did. Avoiding saying that when it all goes wrong (as it already has) he can rest easy knowing he threw his weight about to force a situation no-one can explain or defend. I don't have to any more, it was his call and his problem for the future. His cheap political power play has cost him the ability to hold me responsible for control of my own process, and let me off the hook for where it isn't easy to manage. Class. Thank you, kind sir. *g*

Work obviously has far too large a footprint on my life, and I need to get a grip on myself and care less about getting it all done.

Tired like a fish! I finished reading Pratchett’s ‘Nation’ last night and it turned out to be pretty good, but a horribly, horribly slow start. If I hadn’t been working away, I would probably have given up on it but I needed something to read and that was all I had with me.

Reading something else now Underworld, by De Lillo. It’s a fine thick book Mark loaned me hopefully just right for a week on hols when I should have some time to catch up on reading and proper escapism.

I bought myself lilies and freesia last night, a true pleasure since I’m not usually at home to enjoy them, and would feel foolish taking flowers into the office, besides which, I’d need others in the hotel room and still wouldn’t be in one place long enough to enjoy them properly. However, I did get a couple of hyacinth bulbs with glass vases to do the childish “look, no earth” thing and might take one of those in when I go back.

Much later ~ not long got up (It’s half seven at night) and pouring rain. Inside seems like a good place to be right now. Drinking a Downey special, the whole get mashed on wine thing seems to have taken a bit of a back seat lately. Still headachey and tired, hope I’m not going to waste my holiday being poorly