See you around

Yesterday, my belovéd grandson managed to accidentally knock Mark's glass of wine over his laptop keyboard.  They'd been having a good time playing chess after we'd fetched the children from school and were both involved in some computer game Mark was playing.  Mark told him quite forcibly "get away from me, child" so Alex did.  I told Alex he should apologise to Mark and his wee face was so concerned when he whispered to me "I've forgotten his name" then, reminded, went off to apologise.

Everything went downhill between us from there on, I said I would have to replace it if it had died but that wasn't accepted, later, after he'd sat in the garden for a long time, I asked if he was OK, he said "yes" in one of those voices so I said "then why doesn't it sound like it?".  That got me "No, I'm not OK, I'm just not, now leave me alone" so I did.

Things got a little better later while he tried to get the keyboard off the laptop to check it, without much success; eventually it did fire up but appears to have a sticky key so he couldn't even get past his windows logon as the password gets taken over by the sticky key.  He needs to log in to some jobsite every day or have to visit the gov't A4E type people daily.  OK, so he accepted that he could use my old laptop with the broken casing and  I (had already) accepted he'd be going home today instead of whenever.  So.  I went to bed hoping we and the laptop would be back to normal in the morning, he came up after a while but was in the spare room when I woke up.  Fine.  After he got up, I muttered 'morning' but that was the only word exchanged before he collected and packed his stuff; I asked if I could give him the fare, he said"no, you're all right", which made me feel like a total shit since I know he's flat broke.  Then he gave me a hug and a couple of pats on the back before saying "see you around" and leaving.

Made a right mess of my day that did, not that I'd been full of joy the night before.  I'll cope, just wish it wasn't necessary; maybe I'm overreacting by taking see you around as last words but that's how it feels.  Letting people get close to me seems like a bloody stupid thing to do, it seldom ends well and though I let it happen less often than I used to.  Life really sucks sometimes.

Round 2

I'm now convalescent from a second craniotomy on June 5th to re-clip the aneurysm which ruptured in July 2011.  It's all much less difficult than last time, undoubtedly because my brain wasn't swimming in toxic blood this time so problems are 'only' healing from surgery.  I'm still in the final stretch of recovery from surgery for a malignant melanoma diagnosed in December, excised in January followed by WLE and reconstruction in February.  My blog for that is on Macmillan.org.uk (not for the squeamish) I've had enough of life-threatening situations.

Positive, positive, positive.  My social calendar refuses to lie down or go away so I have various places, people and events to look forward to Battleproms and a possible trip to the Lake District at the end of July, Edinburgh in August and a short holiday "somewhere hot" late October/early November to celebrate the end of Sid's and my sixtieth year as a threesome holiday with Mark because we all get on

of eggs and mice

Last night didn't go to plan at all which is entirely unfair since I was SO looking forward to it.  Dolled up 20's style, delighted Mark decided he would come out with me and P for dinner and Blind Tiger, Giving it some phwoaar! when I saw him spivved up in pinstripe and Homburg, I set off for the bus stop, just missed a number 11 and had to wait 15 minutes for the next one.

I'm sure it did roll up on time but I missed that one too after having a sodding seizure and came to  lying on the pavement with a couple of concerned paramedics doing their stuff.  John Law fetched Mark from the flat (bet his neighbours are gossiping now) and instead of a bus to a great night out I got an ambulance to St Thomas A&E.

They set me free about 11:30 after taking bloods, ECG, neuro-obs and repeated interrogation about my too-interesting medical history.  This morning, my ribs f*cking hurt but the medic said it's probably muscle damage from when I fell.  I remember none of that falling down bit but the now purple and puffy mouse under my right eye, lump on my forehead and wobbly tooth suggests I did an inelegant collapse with a clatter. They're already heading for history thank goodness.  'Senior Clinical Fellow' ( title) is determined the seizure was caused by being out on the lash the night before and lack of sleep.  Damn that Downey for volunteering such information!  Just happened to happen the day my phenytoin dosage dropped from 150 to 100mg but what do I know?  The only medifact they identified was a high white bloodcell count so I've to get another bloods check from my GP once their report gets to him.

Sincere and heartfelt thanks to the young Asian chap who put me in the recovery position and called an ambulance; he even came back to check with the ambulance crew if I was OK.  Sincere apologies to everyone whose evening I spoiled.

High-speed catchup

I was reminded yesterday that some of my friends look here for my latest news when P told me she keeps getting the same single page from 2008!  That was one of the perfect days in my life so I was glad of the reminder when I re-read it and have accepted the smacked fingers for not updating in here.  I've been blogging on a Macmillan site but that's all related to the melanoma I had diagnosed in early December, removed mid-January, and the area reconstructed just over three weeks ago.

Health-wise, I'm not having much of a good time; another Craniotomy is planned for April this year to re-clip the residual aneurysm ~ if they can.  Thankfully, I ought not to need any further surgery for the melanoma - unless they find signs of recurrence near the original site, in lymph nodes or anywhere else it might decide to manifest.  I'll be going for follow-up checks every 3 months for the next three years then every six months for a couple of years but the rate of healing this time implies my immune system is firing on all cylinders so I'm optimistic that nothing will be found.  I have a growth in my larynx that the ENT chap says is benign and 6 or 7 'nodules' in my lungs which they are following up on scans to see if they have grown or changed and consider if they might be melanoma-related or just punishment for smoking.

On the smoking front, I've made appointments for two sessions next week at a smoking clinic in London.   It's a bit pricey but less than I spend on cigarettes in a month so it will pay for itself quickly.  Longer term, I plan to stash what I would have spent to use for a trip to Capetown for myself and my magnificent man.  Oooh yeah, that's a plan I want to pay off.

Life-wise?  I've already had a wonderful one and am not planning on leaving the party early, there is far too much champagne to be quaffed and far too many other things to be enjoyed.  Plans for this weekend are a hen-night tonight, dinner tomorrow then Blind Tiger with P

There!  Blog restarted.