Victoria Meldrew

Dear Prime Minister,
Please find below some suggestions for fixing England 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks to squander on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the "Patriotic Retirement Plan" for the 10 million or so over-50's in the work force.
Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire.  (Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed)
2) They MUST buy a new British car. (Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed )
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - (Housing Crisis fixed )
4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - (Crime rate fixed )
5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....  (reclaim the cost in duties/taxes)
6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.
It can't get any easier than that!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.   Dear Mr. Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing England 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed
4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed
5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
and there's your money back in duty/tax etc
6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.
It can't get any easier than that!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
If not, please disregard.
Grumpies of the World Unite
Also………..
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.  Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):
------------------------------------------------------------------------
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ... Why don't we just give them ours?
It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians..... It creates a hostile work environment.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also;
Think about this .... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!

If not, please disregard.
Grumpies of the World Unite
Also………..
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.  Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):
------------------------------------------------------------------------
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ... Why don't we just give them ours?
It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians..... It creates a hostile work environment.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also;
Think about this .... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!

took the words right out of my mind

I think this is a stunningly good and worthwhile piece of prose, not written by me but de-personalised and edited lightly because I really wanted to be able to share it with you.

She has taken the words right out of my mind and said them for me (except that I wasn't as sensible or brave when I was 48)

This is part of an email from someone leaving their company......

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less white hair or a flatter tum. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical. I've become my own friend. I don't feel guilty for eating that extra biscuit or piece of cake, or for not making the bed, or for buying that silly outdoor ornament that I didn't need, but looks so ‘avante garde’ on the patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

But, I have seen too many friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging, so, yes, I am leaving after 20+ years.

At the age of 48 my body has decided for me, that it can no longer ‘be’ as stationary and needs to be much more active, so I have decided to give myself a break, in the knowledge that I can live without the finer things in life, for a while anyway; to get back some of the life I have lost, to do some of the things I want to do.

I want to be able to choose to read a favourite book, surf the computer or play the piano until 4 in the morning, and then sleep until midday. I want to sing and dance to those wonderful tunes of the 60’s & 70's, and if, at the same time, I want to cry over a lost love, sentimental thought or memory, I will.

I want to blow the cobwebs off my paint brushes and just splash around a bit, expressing myself, as all of us should. Commissions welcome if you would like me to capture on canvas that magic smile or glint of an eye of a loved one, be it human, tamed or wild! 

I want to get fit, do more sailing and accomplish Coastal Skipper, complete my Dive Master exams; walk the South Downs Way, ‘Coast to Coast’ and the Pennines. Too far, you may think? Perhaps.. But there’s nowt wrong in trying, or even just dreaming.

I want to throw myself out of a plane again,and feel the thrill of speed, risk, and achievement. I want to put my motor bike back together and feel the freedom it provided. I want to learn to fly a light plane like a Piper, Cessna or Cherokee.

I look forward to walking the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and dive into the waves with abandon, if I choose, regardless of pitying glances from the toned young jet set. They, too, will get old.

Over the years my heart has been broken, several times. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one; when you realise you will never have children; when one of your pets is killed on the road unnecessarily, taken too early or denied a normal life? But, broken hearts give us strength, and understanding, and compassion for others while they mend. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am fortunate enough to have lived long enough to have my hair turning white, (just) and to have my youthful laughter forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself any more. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

I like being older. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but whilst I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. I mean to go do it now.. And I shall eat dessert every single day,..(if I feel like it).

I hope those that want to stay in touch will do so. Please be happy, seize the day, enjoy the precious present.