the flu epidemic

As promised to various readers...

A warning about a new flu epidemic sweeping the nation...


I went to a dinner party last night, where I, and other guests, enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol. I woke up this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms: headache, nausea,chills, sore eyes, etc.

From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu. This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not an isolated case. Reports are flooding in from all around the neighbourhood of others diagnosed with Wine Flu.

For those exhibiting these tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down. However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately hire a DVD and take some Nurofen (Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu).

Others are reporting a McDonald's Happy Meal or a big, greasy fry-up also helps in some cases.

Wine Flu is not contagious and does not appear to be life threatening.

If the above tips don't do the trick, then further application of the original liquid in similar quantities to the original dose has been shown to work.