embarkation

"beginnings are such dangerous times" The Lady Jessica [Dune - Frank Herbert]

Tarot 0 : The Fool : stepping blithely into the unknown

me: seeing, and pressing, a restart button: as I so often do


It has taken me some time to attempt writing this, "never quite sure of my welcome" is undoubtedly one of my more accurate self-analysis results.

I'm enjoying(?) an unexpected bank holiday weekend and doing none of the things I could/should/ought to do but contemplating going to my favourite fetish club in London tonight where I can catch up with various friends and acquaintance and try to feed the empty centre.

I am promising myself that I will leave this open, and already decided to disallow comments as it would be quite nice to say what I want, when I want without having any incestuous and rancourous fallout from it. Must remember to update the aboutme thing to say those who know me can call/mail me if they want to say anything about it

Spoke to the M earlier, who claims his phone ate my message last night, and am most relieved he has other plans for tomorrow, as I'd forgotten my favourite man promised to bring the short people over.

Problematic at the moment is that I can't go off out on the bike cos it's in the garden and I already know I don't have the knack of getting it out of there : last time I tried, I dropped the bloody thing and it was too heavy for me to get back up :( It was in the garage ~ ahhh : link to story needed here! ~ but now it's not

Dad's Jean left me a sorrowful message on my phone saying she wants to see me/speak to me "one more time", that she has bad news for me, and that Mike wouldn't be very pleased with me. No, he wouldn't. But when/just after he died, the bit of me that accepts manipulation through self-inflicted guilt was stretched so far it broke.

Still. I could maybe go over there tomorrow after the short people have gone. She's very sweet and a lovely person, but we both suffer horribly when we see each other because it brings back memories of a particularly terrible time in our lives

oops! I should point out that my father never used guilt to manipulate me: the reference is to a sea-change in how I saw myself and my responsibilites to other people, and theirs to me.